Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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