I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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