the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
