so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
