What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
