i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
