yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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