FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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