my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
