bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
