this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
