you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
