i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You're like the curious george of whores
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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