i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
