You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The best revenge is premature balding
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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