his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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