Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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