so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
