i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You are the jesus of drinking
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
