Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
