I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm at about main and main street
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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