Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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