Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
