I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
