she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I am available for nakedness
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
