Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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