Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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