Will you blow on my dice?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
