I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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