that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
