he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
