We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
True strength comes from lack of pants
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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