Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
