This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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