drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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