It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
