It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
