Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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