oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
