my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
