Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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