toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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