apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
