dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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