Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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