I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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