I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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