So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
