I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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