I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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