final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
