yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
