i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
