i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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