But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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