thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
