Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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