That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
