I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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