I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
