did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
