omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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