OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
