oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
