She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
