Someone shit on the floor
You smell like stripper and shame
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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