I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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