id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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