I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
