Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
