2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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