You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
