video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
