everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
