Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
