I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
