tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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