If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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