after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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