i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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