Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
