dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
