cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
