I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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