I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
